Sunday, November 24, 2013

I'm just learning how to do this blog thing. This picture was supposed to go with my first post. It's also my profile picture but is microscopic for some reason (something I might figure out how to change at some point). It's my favorite picture from my fiftieth birthday weekend with all our grown kids, their spouses significant others and two of our grown nieces. As my son in law says "It was epic"!

This picture means some things to me. To begin with... I turned FIFTY and there is photographic proof. Fifty feels good and I think it shows. It feels good from the inside out. Forty took more getting used to than fifty. Forty was a bigger transition. Forty was moving from "the hot chick" to the "woman who looks good for her age".  Something that by fifty I'm used to. Forty was when you thought you might be able to hang onto being young if you got a boob job (which I didn't) or Botox (which I did). Fifty is not that. Fifty is for me. Forty was still for other people.

I have an aunt who, in her youth, was ethereal beautiful. She got old young. In her fifties she let her teeth go bad, let her hair go gray, and wore outdated ill fitting clothing. It drove her ethereal beautiful daughter crazy. One morning over coffee at her daughters house she said to me "Carmen always wants me to fix my teeth and hair and wear nice clothes. I do not care about it. I do not want anyone looking at me. I do not want any men looking at me. Being old is being free". She decided this in her fifties.

I think the fifties will be decisive.